No one tells you how relentless parenting can be. Even if they did, it would be difficult to fully grasp until you are in it, sleep deprived and worn out. Like many, I have spent the last year working from home while balancing a home life that includes a toddler. Juggling both of these roles have always been a challenge, yet they have never been as blended as they are during the pandemic. My office is the kitchen table among blocks and bulldozers. Working from home, in a space typically set aside for family, has increased tension and blurred boundaries. It is a battle of roles, with no defined “success”. Full-time parent and full-time employee while not necessarily doing either very well.
Many days start with grand plans. Trips to the park or ambitious lesson plans are balanced between surprise Zoom meetings and deadlines. These intentions often devolve into simply surviving the day. The guilt is compounded when thinking of those balancing more during this time. Parents with more children, more stress, or sick loved ones. Thoughts like these are unhelpful but linger as I struggle through a day spent checking boxes, making healthy snacks, and avoiding screen time.
This season has not been all bad. I will look back at these days with him as bizarre blessings amidst such worldly chaos. Hard as it is, I have been able to spend every day with him for a third of his life. Not many are afforded such opportunity. He is a walking mirror of my own making, a collection of my strengths and proclivities magnified. His stubbornness is mine. His struggle with emotion is mine as well. In ways, it serves me as free therapy for my restless soul. On especially challenging days, I get to build with blocks and watch PBS Kids. With one foot in front the other, I step into the day, not knowing how it will resolve into night. Nevertheless, I trust today matters.
And so I play, send emails at 10pm, and skip showers. This is life in this season, and despite being unrelenting, I cherish it.
No matter what your life looks like in this season, you’re trying your best. Have grace with yourself.
Matt simon blog 