“Matt Simon, sounds like you need to find Jesus again. . .” – Facebook “friend”
A few weeks ago, I published a post that was critical of Church. While it was an accident – I meant to publish a more edited version – I do not regret that it found life. After an hour, I realized what I had done and took it offline. Those of you who receive my blog by email, were still able to read, what I’m lovingly referring to as “bonus content”. Proving once again, that nothing ever disappears on the internet. After receiving some criticism, some warranted and some bizarre, I felt like I wanted to do what I can to add clarity to those who may have read it, as well as to be a little vulnerable, in keeping with its theme.
As I write this, I have 89 unpublished and unedited posts. It would be gracious to call these “works in progress” as many of them are a snapshot of an overwhelmed me, scratching and clawing at an idea which won’t come. Some are a mere sentence, while others are almost full-term, yet miss a certain mood. I strive to keep this blog positive – a virtue found to be more difficult in these current days. I feel there is enough pain beyond our screens, that I wish to offer a reprieve when able. This, however, does not mean that I do not aim at bringing a deeper understanding, often in the name of faith. I started this blog as a pastor and a fumbled follower of Christ, therefore no matter what I write upon, this will undoubtedly color my work. Whether it is discussing gun-control, politics, or the state of the Church, I wish to do so with a great love for those who may happen to stumble upon it. There is a thought that controversial matters should not be spoken on in order to maintain peace. Jesus shows us the opposite of this, that we can disagree in love, yet still be open to a greater challenge.
Whenever I wish to write on the Church or faith, I do so with reverence and thought. It is my wish to bring unity within a community who frankly, is already too masterful at dividing itself. I do so out of my own vulnerability, knowing my stories may not match others experience, but also realizing that some will be offended. This brought out more than a few pointed comments from those within the Church community I loved (see above comment), including an attempted spiritual shaming from one pastor.
With this said, I need to be transparent. In this blog that leaked past my rough draft pile, I shared some personal stories. It was interesting just how many people could relate to these, perhaps bringing comfort to their own battered spiritual path. When I was serving in vocational ministry, I encountered and welcomed those who were hurt by the Church. Now, as one who himself has been hurt by the same institution, I feel a renewed empathy and tenderness. It is true that someone can love the Church, while calling out the warts hiding behind its many bandages. As a follower of Christ, I am forever connected to this body of faith, whether I darken its sanctuary doors or not.
Before Socrates faced death, he is credited with saying that “we approach truth only inasmuch as we depart from life.” This has meant a lot to me in recent weeks. The insignificant blog I mentioned jarred more than a few people who I depicted. I fear that with “life”, or what could be described as the daily things we accept, believe, and even fight for (politics, theology, etc), we can many times be blinded to the “truth”. It is difficult to feel its warmth from the canyon. Many times, fear of the unknown pushes us to settle. Like all important matters, we become so entrenched within it, that we become immovable and rigid. As our idealism slowly fades, we celebrate in our self-imposed confinement, instead of rejoicing in the freedom that truth provides. In these times of peril and reflection, I have found a grace within me. It has made me face hurts and weaknesses and is therefore messy. One thing I always hope to be, is honest. Even with the mess, clouded by my own humanity and brokenness, I want to tell my story with love for you but with a clear eyed conviction.
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