16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. 18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures. – James 1:16-18
Being a father has done more for my personal theology than any amount of time in study. This could be because of my desire to raise my son with a heart close to my savior, but I feel it is more born out of desperation. To be a parent, or to be an engaged citizen of earth, is to be desperate. My 5 month old son Reed is a constant reminder of my inadequacy and need for outside help. Given all the resources in the world, you can never truly protect another human being. The only comfort we have is in a desperate prayer to a loving Father.
I’m not entirely sure I ever believed in answered prayer. When I was young, it was more ritual, or superstition, that motivated me to make my requests known. If asked, I would have said that God answers prayer but only because I felt like I had to say this in order for my superstition to be acknowledged. As I grew older, and sadly got into ministry, this attitude stayed with me. Eventually my prayer life died all together. Truth is, I got along okay without Him.
Now I feel my prayer life has been transformed.
Born out of desperation, my prayer life is more of a conversation acknowledging my faults, shortcomings, and yes, desperation. There is something special in our creator that constantly calls us to the dark corners of our soul and forces us to reconcile them within the comfort of His grace. Our intentions are terrifically wounded for His is a call to decrease in all. Our Lord cried tears mixed with scarlet in the Garden, why should my prayers be any different for my son? There is something deep within me that yearns for more than I could ever give to him. My wish is for him to see himself as a citizen of heaven. As he clings to a more perfect Kingdom, I pray his compassion for this world would grow fiercely. May his faith be born out of affection and not circumstance and find favor with his Father in heaven.
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