16 And when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him; 17 and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” – Matthew 3:16-17
Your mind ponders strange things at 4am. It is like the guardians we charge with keeping our minds from drifting into the wasteland of mental peculiarity are asleep. Typically my son chooses this time to eat, and because he has yet to master the art of food prep, his dad sleepily obliges to help. As he feeds, between grunts and smiles, it gives my mind the chance to run free. And while some of these thoughts are utterly ridiculous (i.e. the difference between a llama and an emu), many of them have to do with the future.
At four months old, Reed is starting to become even more expressive. Every day it seems like he learns something new or reacts differently. It is exciting as a dad to watch something you love grow. His wonder of it all is renewing for someone who has seen the boring hiding behind the magnificent. It is in these sleepy hours that I think of how he will continue to grow.
Who will he be? What will he be like? Will he love his parents?
As my mind wanders, I make up imaginary scenarios to test how I would handle it as a bumbling father. I imagine him angry with his parents. I imagine him making mistakes, falling off his bike, and being dumped by the “one”. I imagine conflict. Yet, when I think of the times he will disobey or break his parents heart, my love is still a remaining constant. As I look at him now, with limitless affection, I know that this love will never expire. The joy I receive from him will never cease.
I wonder if this is how God sees us. That throughout our struggles, heartbreaks, and deception, He is still well pleased with His misfit children. Being a father has given me a different perspective on these things. Where as in the past, I looked at my worthiness of love through the eyes of my own father, I now see the love of God through my own eyes, lavished upon a tiny infant. And though this makes the parent uncomfortably vulnerable, it is the only way to love – with reckless courage.
What if the Father of lights looks at us with such love? What if He is pleased with us, despite our mishaps and blunders? What kind of Father would this be?
Maybe He gives us a boundless 4am mind for a reason.
17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. 18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures. – James 1:17-18
Matt simon blog 