11 For the honor of your name, O Lord,
forgive my many, many sins.
12 Who are those who fear the Lord?
He will show them the path they should choose. (Psalm 25:11-12)
I am in that “many, many” stage of life currently. It has been a wild few weeks which have led to me saying countless “I’m sorry”‘s. Part of this is simple miscommunication which is bound to happen in this life. We all see things from different perspectives and with different biases. No wonder conflict resolution is rare to find. Often we have the relational intuition of envious toddlers. But on other instances, and I am ashamed to say just how many, these apologies come from the sinful part of me that while redeemed, is still very much active. Below the christian exterior is a beating villain of a heart looking to lash out from insecurity and jealousy. There is no shortage of ammunition and no lack of loving people who deserve nothing of the carnage my words and actions can create. In these cases, I am reminded how the ones we truly love are those who get the sharp brunt of our scorn time and time again. These are easy targets. There is no greater target of heartbreak than those with guaranteed love.
One of the things I love about the Bible is often the one thing that is most overlooked. Scripture has many times where it tells us to do something, but it always assumes that we will mess it up in application. Verses like Psalm 25:11 remind me of who we really are as well as who God knows us to be. If played right, our apologies turn into courage for it takes the backbone of granite to confidently own up to our mistakes while resting in our savior’s grace. We find Psalms of pleading with God for forgiveness as well as countless times those closest to Jesus asking for soul crushing forgiveness that can only come from a redeemed heart. It is the scandal of the Gospel to look over such offenses and grant us access to a Holy God above all blemish and wreckage. It takes an incredibly loving God to grant us an identity detached from what we do. We no longer have to prove ourselves worthy, nor do we have to jump through religious hoops or mantras. This however is granted to us only to the level we humbly utter “I am sorry.” It is three heartfelt words that unlock a ridiculous grace from a ridiculous God.
Lord, I am sorry. Today I failed to follow you with all I have. I have hurt those around me who share in your image, and I have represented you poorly. I am in need of grace, but more so than that, I am in need of your direction to something better. May I try, not because it saves me, but because I love the Father who raised me. Thank you for loving me more than I deserve, even when I am anything but lovable. Amen
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