29 For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable. (Romans 11:29)
On most days I don’t feel redeemed. “Saved”, “rescued”, “born again” are all distant identities in these times. There is a spiritual plane I seem to float just under, choosing instead to busy myself in the temporary. It is so easy to discredit the work of God with what feels natural to us. The Church misses out on this struggle all too often. Sometimes inadvertently presenting the Gospel as something natural and easy. An all present God who is invisible, by the traditional sense, is anything but natural. This foreign grace declares me righteous even when I fail to feel anything of His acceptance.
There are two mistakes we can make here. First, feeling like we are good. That we deserve the great things of this world and the redemption of a wholly other creator. With stiffed neck we believe God exists for us; actors in a one man play. There of course is no demand of our souls and therefore no power here. The second mistake, which is just as arrogant, is the idea we are all bad. We bypass grace entirely believing we are not good enough to be rescued. Some even believe their deeds are what save them. In both of these cases, we are our own saviors. Somewhere between me being too good and being too bad is Christ in whose hand we rest. The gifts of God are tattooed on our souls and the sooner we rest in this, the sooner we can live a truly spiritual life. The authentic Christian journey is a constant unburdening of me and an non reluctant picking up of the fidelity of grace. It is only in this humble stance that we can truly be free. Faith is just as much a rest in my flawed identity as it is an unnatural rest in a redeeming savior who sees flaws but refuses to keep score.
It is the beautifully weird design of God for us to look past ourselves, however humble or proud, to see something richer. I am accepted and therefore I move rather than I move to be accepted. It is in this backwards economy of our Lord that we find grace, truth, and life.
Father, thank you for not giving like the world gives. Thank you that you alone are stable in your promises. Have mercy on us as we navigate our split persons. Teach us to rest in your unfair judgments.
Matt simon blog 