As the darkness fills my room, sleep obstinately refuses to visit me. My thoughts flooded with dread and a flickering desire to understand the absurd. It is one of those nights where I want to give up. Job, relationships, and the everyday all seem too big to manage from the overwhelming restlessness found on my mattress. Solace is found knowing that I am not the only one. At any given moment of this existential punishment, thousands of other overwhelmed souls lay restless. There is a uniting quality to our pain that the good times will never understand. Tonight I am miserable, but I am not alone.
It is in the blackness of night where the struggles of day are fully seen
Nights like these are a mixed blessing. I long for something greater than that which surrounds me. No matter how great our experience here, they all have a ceiling. Sooner or later your pleasure is grounded and you are left chasing the next pleasure. So tonight I groan. Tonight I think of what could have been and what is. Tonight I, against the command of Jesus, worry. For in this I am united with a broken humanity and in this I feel both the absence and presence of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
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