I don’t trust people without regrets. For it is those intimate with regret, who have let failure teach them more about the sacred art of living. As I lay in the still darkness of night, I am flooded with a decade of mistakes. Rest is for the clear minded, and tonight mine is burdened with “if only”. I am reminded of how incredibly frail our minds can be. So brave in the daylight, so fragile in darkness. As I have grown older, these thoughts which once were met with self medication – the haze of substances and poor relational choices – are now met with a stubborn sobriety. It is in the darkness where our character is revealed. I might fail, but I will come by my regret honestly. It is in these moments where I am learning to lean in. No more running. Regret is meant to be a close relative who teaches as a wise mentor. This particular night I am reminded of a dozen instances in which I somehow found strength in a fog of weakness. This night the divine found me where I lay and recites his situational grace that surpasses my capacity. Why are we so focused on perfection? Is it not our weaknesses that endear us and make us more human?
9 But he said to me, “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)